Gender differences showed up in other studies of responses to the pandemic. Of the many papers I’ve read in my research, one that stuck was “Dad, Wash Your Hands.” Through interviews conducted with college students and members of their households, Janani Umamaheswar and Catherine Tan found that “gender differences in attitudes toward risk are influenced by the unique and strenuous care-work responsibilities generated by the COVID-19 pandemic, which are borne primarily by women-and from which men are exempt.”
Do I send the kids to school or day care, or do I keep them home? Do I order takeout? Wipe down my groceries? Is it okay to see Grandma with masks on? Are my friends on the group text mad at me for not responding quickly enough? Is my daughter just in a mood, or is she depressed? Is that tickle in the back of my throat COVID? Whom should I trust: the CDC or the president or my friends on Facebook?Īs that suggests, the fact that this was a public-health crisis hit moms especially hard. The fear, uncertainty, and doubt that came with COVID-19 required constant recalculations of risk and fresh backup plans-additional emotional labor. Most of all, as a mom, I felt burdened with a new mental load.
On one occasion, I freaked out because we were out of dark-green vegetables but running to the grocery store for a single item seemed like an unacceptable risk. I did the grocery shopping, the meal planning, and most of the cooking. My husband picked up relaxing, optional household tasks during the pandemic, perfecting his sourdough bread and kombucha. I report on schools for a living, which provided some logic for why I was the one to research preschools and after-school programs and summer camps, to make spreadsheets and show up to parent-teacher conferences and PTA meetings. I know her voice came through at least once while I was live on air.īefore COVID-19, I managed the children’s schedules and planned their activities. No matter who was supposed to be on duty, my preschooler rattled the door or stormed in if I forgot to lock it, sometimes asking for a hug, sometimes in full meltdown mode. I had a small office for my public-radio work upstairs, next to the kids’ bedroom. He was literally insulated from the sounds of unhappy children. But our relationship had subtle imbalances common among many straight couples.įor example, he had set up his home office, years before the pandemic, in the basement. We divided up the direct hours of daily child care as equally as possible.
My husband has a challenging job and makes more money than I do. We were grateful that our downstairs tenant, who lives alone and is a freelancer, agreed to share a bubble with us and provide 20 hours a week of child care in exchange for a break on rent. My third grader, in public school, generally had about an hour’s worth of unchallenging remote lessons a day. A t the start of the 2020 lockdown, we had a 3-year-old who needed near-constant supervision.
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