If this is an isolated incident, then problem solving could avoid a major meltdown. I have always advised parents of children with severe ADHD symptoms to do this because you have to pick and choose your battles. What I am saying here is that sometimes it is okay for us to listen to where our child is coming from. Let me be clear: I’m not saying that you should give in to your child every time he stalls or whines. Tomorrow we can talk about this and come up with a solution so that from now on you will be able to finish what you are doing and go to bed on time.” You might say, “Okay, for tonight you can finish the game. I am not saying you don’t have to go to bed now, but do you have any ideas on how we can solve this?”įor discussion’s sake, let’s say he only wants to play for a few more minutes and you decide for tonight to let him finish the game to avoid an hour or more of meltdown, versus a few more minutes of game time. I want you to go to bed because it’s your bedtime and you need your sleep to feel good and do well at school and at baseball tomorrow, but you want to stay up later to finish your game.
What is bothering you about this? “ Perhaps the child says, “I need to finish my video game so I can get to the next level.” You then can say, “So here is the problem we have. For instance, if the problem is not wanting to go to bed, you might say, “I understand you do not want to go to bed right now even thought 9:00 is your usual bedtime. What’s up? “ Find out what your child is concerned about. When you can see your child just starting to get agitated, ask, “What seems to be making you upset?” Listen carefully and then respond empathetically, by saying something like, “Okay, I see you (want or don’t want) _. Good leaders listen to the people they are leading and incorporate the feedback they receive. It is not giving in if you modify a situation in a way that is more accepting to the child while still meeting your needs. LET’S see how WE BOTH can solve the problem.” Find out what the child’s concern is. If you do not have a plan in place, then you can respond by saying “ Okay, WE have a problem here. As an example, you might have agreed on a nonverbal sign that signals he or she should calm down, with a reward given (like points earned on a chart) if they respond to the sign and calm down. If you and your child have already agreed on how meltdowns are to be handled, then implement the plan. (For more guidance and concrete advice on how to work with your child, check out Total Focus, a program to help your ADD or ADHD child focus and behave.) 2. I used these techniques with our son with ADHD when he was growing up, and it helped both of us regain calm more quickly. Have him practice taking a deep breath or counting to ten at the first sign of being upset when he’s calm, so he can “get it down” and be able to draw upon these techniques when he’s about to lose it. Agreeing to use a timer (instead of dad) and stop when the timer says to stop can work well to avoid this kind of situation.Īlong the same vein, working with your ADHD child on relaxation techniques can also help. This can become ugly and result in a fight-which will lead to fewer such play situations. For instance, let’s say your son is having a great time “rough housing” with dad, but does not want to stop when dad feels it has gone on long enough. Some ADHD kids lack the ability to be flexible and therefore go into meltdown mode when there is a change in routine-or when an expected event does not happen.
Ask questions to make sure he understands. So as a parent, when you’re having a discussion with your child, pause frequently to make sure he is getting your point. Realize, also, that kids with ADHD and ADD often aren’t fully tuned in to what is going on around them they miss important information, which causes them to misinterpret a situation and then react to what they think is going on rather than to what really happened. “, it takes less to trigger an anger episode, and it can last for a longer period of time compared to other children.” This is the result of their “ brain difference.” What this means is that it takes less to trigger an anger episode, and it can last for a longer period of time compared to other children. Often the brain circuitry that regulates their emotions is dysfunctional. Children with ADHD are more prone to meltdowns for a number of reasons.
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